I get so upset that when my dad is hospitalised, my families around me asking, "did you take leave"

and i would reply: How to? under staff if i were to take..

and now he needs me.. i was not around when they explained to him, hence til now i still dont know what happened to him..

1) ? appendicitis... (.. the thing is no guarding, no rebound pain, no remarkable raised in his counts, however there's pain at the right iliac fossa...)

2) Fever, Tmax 38.5.. to the extreme he's shivering all over, that's when i start to panick and only my sister is with him, he's too weak to drive, resorting my brother have to cab down with him to his desired hospital. I was relieved...

3) Vomiting and diarrhoa away.....

4) ruling out inflammation of the large intestine..

urgent CT scan was done at night for him... there's minior inflammation at the appendix... as well as the large intestine..

now the thing is.. i dont know if they want to do an appendicetomy.. or just continuing antibiotics......

I was so pre-occupied with my own work, nursing the sick, now when my father is sick, i ought to take care of him... but when i called to take urgent leave / family care leave... i felt uneasy.. uneasy in a way.. i shouldn't take... because the PM staffing is terrible... there wouldn't be anyone around to replace...

However on the other end, i was angry with myself that.. why cant I ? Why can't i just put down all my worries and go ahead....... why do i keep thinking about the staffing of the ward..

I spent the whole night thinking away, i dont want to take, i shall just head for work anyway he's always just a phone call away only.. however, the call i made to him make me felt so remorseful that i should actually just let loose myself, forgo my duty as a nurse to others and be there to accompany my dad.

whatever..

I simply hate to be in a food chain... implicating to others....

I dont feel good either...... but im left with no choice.. =(

He's my family... and nothing is ever important than my family. He's my dad.


Wen be gone...