Dear diary,

I’m at NLB (National Library on a Friday afternoon), my’ love is struggling with his revision and here I am blogging away! Haha. Brought along the lappie, scribbling and surfing the net away! Grabbed a few books and I did read a few pages of it, kinda bores me as I was reading up on “Obsessive” and “Bipolar disorder”… I knew the definitions, however just wanna read on some encounters and stories of these 2 disorder, rather interesting, however I couldn’t catch up with my attention span. Turned on the lappie and here I go…….

Come to think of it, the days in NYP actually flashed upon my mind, when we’re slogging our heads off rushing/brainstorming ideas for our assignment. Reference and books piling up our table, digging for information for the assignment/presentation. Smuggling tidbits/food and drinks and trying to snack up while we are discussing. SO FUN ! Those were the days! Rushing for tutorials, lectures and even skills lab were so fun. Me and kaikai most favourite hideout spot for elearning would be level 2 biology lab. HOhoho… We loved to go there to use the computers and gossip. How time really flies, 3 years passed. Those memories were actually vivid on my mind.

Going for lectures back then, were of so much fun. Thou we dread the long hours, however we had fun out of it. Sometimes, kaikai would actually skipped the morning 8am lesson and I will be left alone for the next 2 hours or so, I rarely skip lectures, thou I live damn far, I would actually make the effort to go to school. =) First 4 rows off the screen, our most favorite seats. Those were the days………………………………

I remembered I detest to study cell division/immune system/oncology during these days! The complexity of the anatomy and physiology and the never-ending visualizing of cells structure makes my mind go whirl, that’s why I dislike it so much. And now, I’m actually into this sub-specialty unknowingly. I’m more interested into critical and emergency care back then, however I wasn’t given any opportunity to venture into the area. More over, I’m in a paediatric setting. I haven’t come to a conclusion which discipline I like. Not oncology!

Oncology, is a discipline, im forced to be in. She pushed me further and wants me to be trained in that aspect, I’ve no control over it. I sat down with her and have a talk, I mentioned, the reason being I didn’t want to go ahead for my adv dip is because, “I don’t know what I want yet. And maybe taking degree for now would benefit me.”

Throw away whatever lame reason that, having a adv dip to secure my future, that’s so selfish of me to think that way. What about the things I like? I really don’t want to be tied down by this pragmatic society, that only goes for merit and credit.

Health care is so wide. The diversity of each sub discipline is so complex. Mentioning to her that I may be leaving after my bond. She asked me why? “You’re doing very well now, why do u want to leave? Do you know that u cant find a job so easily out there now ?” I tried to explain, working here tires me out mentally and physically. I’ve lost my well being these days. “She frowned….. wanting my final answer for adv dip placement by …..”

Still I gave all the reason I could and she did not pressed me further. I’m freed ! I disrupted the path that showed me the light. Maybe I will be happier!

The future still stay bleak, however I’m not going to leave it to fate.

=))

Wen be gone