Dear diary,

I've had my downs. I dont know why am i there, the more i filled up my Personal Appraisal, the more i felt so demoralized. I realized I didn't achieve anything for the past one year. Have been doing the same thing day in day out, work like there's no tomorrow.

'Hectic' overwhelmed patient's care! Everyday at work:

• im dealing with patient's serum electrolytes/FBC level;
  
• giving the spectrum of cocktails for the neutropenic;


• giving them the pineapple, deep red cherry juice when their counts are low


• wiping all of my patient's immune system by giving them the cyto-toxic;
  
• Drawing their bloods, from as often as 6 hourly to once a day;


• Check the variance of their serum level;


• Making the lil' one cry when it's due for their 6 days once port-a-cath needle change.


• Doing the most painful procedure in prone position for their marrow being aspirated.


• The drilling from the epidermal skin, to the tissues, to the hip bone then to the marrow, how torturing and painful they felt.

(I felt the heartache each time when i hears the crackling sound)

However there are times, over the weekend, when the total for the pink buttons are low, doing the general i/c is a lil less stressful. But it is a nightmare to deal with admissions.

• giving puffs for the breathless;


• anti-pyretics for the feverish;


• sponging for the babies;


• setting an IV plug and giving intravenous replacement for the dehydrated


• endless call bells asking for milk, bathing, sterilizing

All the above things can make one busy too.

Will you go to the extra mile when u have times like that?

Racing against time. Heavy acuity nursing care VS. the above. Im busy running like a mad lady in the ward, so what have i really learnt this one year?

Maybe, Im asking too much, I shouldn't have set such a high expectation for one self. That is why i realised i havent been achieving anything for this 1 year.

Or maybe, just maybe, im getting so sick and tired of the role i am in. Totally abhore the complex discipline my ward is. General Medicine Paediatrics + Oncology. Totally a mis-matched group being put together.

Maybe i need my vacation soon. Into the 5th month, since i last on leave, anticiapting June's arrival.

Feeling rather, listless and moody at work lately.. but so what? The workload just pile and pile...


Once in a while, i felt so blue and just want to lament over work.


Wen be gone