With much hesitation, i almost want to closed off from viewers and keep it as a private blog of mine. However its such a hassle to login each time. Having the thought of changing the urlink, however it seems so hard to put down everything what's left behind and start all over again. Its all that you cannot leave behind that kind of statement that pulls me back.

I seemed to be depressed. Having much negative thoughts for the past days. Occasionaly i still can replace all these negative thoughts with the positive ones. Trying to use cognitive reframing to reframe my depressed mood. It failed.

I dont know why, i just feel empty. Especially after each shift ended.

I dislike going to work nowadays.


I really hated it every single slightest thing, i can hear ppl calling me from behind and awaits the in-charge to make decision. I simply hate decision making, especially its over stupid thing and the Staff nurse have to handle.

Or probably, the daily workload seems to be piling up ever and ever.

Or probably, when NM screamed into my ears when she asked how's my competency and i uttered "None, sister" I only did de-assess twice.

Why? she started to questioned... I have no choice but to say i am always at medical, hardly doing onco..

and she get even mad, saying, why cant i open my mouth and let them know.

And, being the most junior me, i dont have any say, am i not right?


I feel so unhappy lately.

What's more?? Seniors and seniors conflict never seemed to come to an end. Not to admit, tagging on with the most hated staff on the list, you can learn alot from her. However, defence to put up for yourself is a must.


Everyday i went home with a heavy heart.


Pondering again and again.... do i wish to continue this career path of mine after 2 years?