I have been feeling so tired these days.

Mentally exhausted i would say.

The daily hectic working life making me out of breath. I feel so out of place.

On friday, i almost break down. The day was literally so fucked up*

Comment from this senior staff "She said that she dont feel comfortable working with you as u are new."

I went speechless. I dont know if it were the true as i didn't really confirm with the other staff and i took the assumption from her words and literally my mood for the day was bad. She ask me to help out, and ended up i was the junior, taking charge of all the junior work and the supposedly junior was sitting around, talking, taking her own sweet time for break.. charts i assumed she updated but turned out it was left unattended for 2 hours. Of course, feeling so bad inside out and that statement kept repeating through out my head.

I really feel like confirming if such statement really exist. I gave it a pass.

I DONT THINK BEING AN ONCO JUNIOR IS A GREAT THING. I FELT OFFENDED. SO WHAT I AM NEW. I DONT MIND TO LEARN. ANYWAY I DONT EVEN KNEW WHETHER THIS STATEMENT REALLY COME OUT FROM THE SENIOR MOUTH. BECAUSE I REALLY THINK THAT SHE WONT SAY SUCH THINGS. BUT JUST THAT THIS PERSON TRYING TO SCREW THINGS UP.

I REALLY BEGIN TO HATE THIS WARD.

SAYING SUCH THINGS TO ME. TO SUCH A BIG EGO PERSON LIKE ME REALLY IRRITATE ME HELL LOTS.


I HAD A HARD DAY THAT DAY, FEELING SO SAD AND ALMOST BREAK DOWN.

LISTENING TO MY SONGS ON MY MPS, THE EMOTIONS TURMOIL MAKING ME OUT OF BREATH. TEARS JUST WELLED UP MY EYES AND I ASKED MYSELF WHY MUST I DESERVE SUCH TREATMENT. OF ALL JOBS WHY DID I CHOSE NURSING WITH MINUMUM JOB SATISFACTION WITH SO MUCH EFFORT I PUT INTO.


Gave my baby a call.. and he is always there for me.. coaxing me.. trying to cheer me up.




To be continued.................