my rants.

Finally i will be having my 2 off days. I am so reluctant to go to work each and everyday. but still, i have to endure.

Few days ago, i dont know why suddenly, the emotions overwhelmed me.

It must be the bottled up discontentment that accumulates each day from my preceptor. When i dunno, i asked her and she looked at me with her irritated face, as thou i am asking silly question. when i dont speak up, because i dont want to sound silly, and she reprimanded me, "dunno then must ask"...

but its not that i never.. !!! I did okay!!

And she's really 2 face kinda person.. we were in the treatment room, and she told me off when i couldn't come up with the iv drip scheduling.. but when another SN came in, her attitude towards me, changed totally. And i mean it, its not once but there are many times already.

Thou i dislike her, i still got to put on a facade, and carry out her orders when she told me to.

vital signs taking, we both attended the patient. before hand she never tell me that she wants me to do ANYTHING !! SHE NEVER ! Temperature was taken, and the baby was sleeping, still left with respiration and pulse rate. I saw her looking at the watch and taking the pulse for the baby. Since i was standing there, so i helped in the respiration by putting my hands on baby's tummy. Then i wanted to take baby's pulse, so i feel it at the brachial area. But the baby got irritated when i laid my hands on him. so i never take the pulse instead, since i know she's taking.

After everything, we went out, she asked me.. so whats the RR? and PR.. i told her the RR and i said, i thought u take the PR and so i never take.. and she looked at me and said. then u never take the PR just now? then what are u doing? I told her, i cant really feel it and since she's taking the pulse, and the baby is rather irritated and so i never take.

She told me off in a very sarcastic tamil slang tone.

U mean, when u cant feel at the brachial other place cannot? And i have my rationale across, "i thought baby suppose to feel at the brachial area".. and she asked me why, but i couldn't come up with the reason.. i vaguely remember, infant its better to put it at brachial what.. !

and she said, what? u mean radial pulse and brachial pulse different and u cant take is it? u mean the heart rate at brachial and radial different?

In a very sarcastic tone!!!

She looked at me and said, u dunno how to take pulse? U know how to take pulse anot? In front of the yr 2 student. U know how demoralised i am anot!!

Its not that i dunno how to take pulse. but it takes time for me to adjust from adults to paeds am i not right.

and she asked if i know the normal range of HR for infant and i told her the range. And she've got something to told me off again. "u can tell me the range, but u cant perform the pulse taking" -.- u fail ur practical................................ all in all in a very sarcastic tone!

I bear it down...



another day. she explained something to me, and i cant really understand what she's saying. and so i nicely asked her to "come again" and she told me off again.. i mean i dunno abt the phlebotomist routine thingy, cant she tell me nicely.. and u know what she said? "haiyohh.. what? simple things like that u dont know. i really have no patience teaching you.. " and beside is an EN, she asked the EN to explain to me... and in between she said .. dont come and ask me something when i am doing another thing. The ward clerk is at the counter, the MO is there..

know what? I felt so useless.


there were at times, she will blurt out. "having u as my preceptee.. i think i everyday will have headache."

That very day, i think i just couldn't stand all the discontentment that i had bottled up in me for weeks, while going for my break, i went to wash my hands, and i looked into the mirror, the tears just welled up and it just flows without any effort. and i tell myself i cant be like that.. i have to be strong. because i work for my lil` patients.. they are the one that is really suffering.

Her comments for me, make me feel so demoralized and lousy!

I dont mind ppl telling me off when i did wrong thing.

but not any-o-how sarcastically telling me off.


Went for my break, up to the tea room.. one staff nurse asked if anyone bullied me. and the emotion was so overwhelming that it came trickle down my cheek again. because, i thought i have to endure all by myself.. never will i expect that she's so concern abt it. really thanks for her encouragement and feeling much better after that. she's really very nice. how envy my other fren who have her as her preceptor.




I always tell myself that i have to welcome each day with a smile. Endure is the keyword. No matter how hard life is, since i have chosen this path, i will just bear with it.. I will take it as a lesson learnt. Its a mistake learnt.

Trying to have high cognitive dissonance.

I can do it.


smile....

This attachment is dreadful; but i hope it make me a stronger person.


=）


I so missed my frens, i miss them alot.. lately have been missing out alot of things in life.

Hope to meet up real soon. There will be sunshine after the rainbow, hope everyone is doing well.. =)) We can do it.. =)











me and you;
so near yet so far..



//heard that u're coping well, glad for you.
I tried to speak, but i couldn't...
Its been sometime since we last have a chat;
i know i do miss you.