..Saturday..

The awaited weekend finally came. School started for a about a week already. Feeling so lost. Because this semester alot of self reflection need to be done.. and w/o knowing... putting myself into situations that I cant seem to comprehend. Problems came in many dimensions and they have the reason for it to occur. To make me a stronger person.

I put myself into one of the examples.. it came clearly into the picture.

Seriously, what i dont like about ppl's behaviour is what i dun want to see myself behaving in that way. It really irks me!

Talking through with a pal, I was told to view it in a different perspective.. the way how the person behave reflected something. The fear... Its somehow true to a certain extent.

As the saying goes.. widely used in counselling.. "when u cant change people, change ur thoughts."

It has been going on in my head for sometime.. and it really bother me alot. Sometimes once in a while, throwing all out to a confidant seems to the smartest way of all. It sort of bring therapeutic effects....

Projects finding piling up along the weeks This semester is just too short. In another 2 and a half months time, will be out doing my PRCP. Time flies..and i am going to start work as a RN in months time...

Its a growing up process...


My future seems bleak.. because i am still unable to make my mind to venture into the area that i want to see myself in. Sometimes when i thought, if i made a decision back then, appealing to enter into TP foodscience, and biomedical.. everything will not be the same as now anymore. I can still work in healthcare area... and perhaps not dealing more of human touch.. whereas helping individuals more of their needs rather than caring for patients in a more holistic approach.

If i enter into foodscience, a future nutritionist i may be.... The dream we had when we were doing our coursework..the fun and all.. the satisfaction when our individual work was praised...

If i were to enter into biomedical... i will be doing alot of research.. putting the use of biology science to probably invent something that is of use or related to healthcare..

If i were to be study pharmaceutical, i will be dealing with drugs all day long.. being part of phamaco company... a big industry to invest in.... !

But all these pays a big price... the amount of education, the complexity of biology/chemistry science.. a good grasp of them all.. when i see my frens studying so hard... books and books of biology/chemistry..from essentials to fundamentals.. whereas i am only touching the essentials.. i really think that they are much much more knowledgable... as compared to what i am learning..

Its was so wrong of me to think that only thru nursing, i can be part of healthcare... its so naive of me back then!!

I am not saying i am now regretting my decisons i made.

But more of, if i appealed 3 yrs ago.. i wouldn't be wat am i today... at least, i learnt to view things in different perspective.. taking into consideration why ppl will behave this way.. having compassion in care for my patient... this is what i can never learn elsewhere... !!!

I must learn to appreciate what i have learnt all these years and put them into use in time to come. I dont know what will become of me in years to come.. but i hope to learn as much as i can.. not only education.. but also in the working life... !!!

Enough said...


Gonna start doing my research... tmr wont be free either.. Racing against time.

PJ 21st birthday party tmr.. Hopefully, she invite all the nurses and doctors.. haha.. so that i can do some PR.. I doubt so la.. i am just joking..

Alright. i hope for a better day tmr..


I really thought this period is very crucial to me.. I cant afford to waste my time. Put aside all my relationship... i must learn to be more goal-driven... because r/s is not something that i wan to attain at this phase of my life.. so what if i am pampered around, being cared for... being loved.. I feel nothing.. because the feeling and trust wasn't there.. true enough, rejected quite a few when they confessed to me.. and i thought that isn't wat i really want.. and i cant give that much.. Its really hard for me to fall in love with one person all over. Hence, i am at a phase, not pinning any hope.. hoping time will bring me back to sanity once again..

//There's still a place in me that cannot be replaced by anyone else. The blissed memories, embedded in my heart. Locked with love, sealed with trust.

I always believed that the one u love, you will never be with. While.. the one that love u alot will be the one that will marry you. //


Love,
xoxo